God is Freedom

I’m so tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually tired. It feels as though everything in my life is crashing on me all at once. So many people to please, so much expectations to meet, so many things to do and yet so little time.

Part of me just wants to do what I want to do, to use my time e way I want to, spend e money on e things I want to, yet I know this life is not mine. It’s one bought by the blood of Jesus. N my priority should be on the things of the Lord, N e qn I should be asking is “what will please God? What is His expectation of me and am I living in his purpose for me doing what I’m doing?”

I guess this is all really part of growing up into an adult bah. Facing e various challenges in life and really learning how to prioritize. The bible says that we will be tested through trials n tribulations. N I keep reminding myself, in all, give God praise. I know this is e time of moulding. I will have e final victory at e end of all this nonsense, growing to be more Christ-like in e process.

I miss writing. I miss getting new revelations on my own life while writing down my problems and confessing His promises. I miss that intimacy I once shared with God through writing..

My heart is beating at such a pace that I can’t fall asleep as easily as I’m hoping to. It’s because of you I don’t get my sleep. Because of you, reality is so much better than in dreams and my mind is telling me to stay awake. I’ve given to God my heart for Him to safeguard for me, and asked Him to give it to only someone whom He knows will never break it. It feels like my heart now has a life of it’s own. Doesn’t seem to slow down at the thought of you. So much passion kept within me it feels like an explosion will happen when ignited. Fireworks are felt maybe only during this phase, but how long will that be? I’m just hoping that my heart will be able to take the heat.

Tears of joy which u do not understand, they flow not because of you, but because of the overwhelming joy that God placed into my heart through you. It’s not that I want to cry, it’s just that I can’t control them from falling down to glorify the goodness of God.

I asked God why is He so good to me, and He said “because you are a child of God, you deserve someone like him to treat you right.” I’m really touched. More than you can imagine.